the carpet

the carpet

Originally uploaded by mackirsty

I’ve been dragging my heels this last few weeks, just a little busy and maybe kinda tired out. Getting a couple of jobs to earn my keep has been fun if a little crazy in transition. I’m your friendly piano teacher, barista, secretary, musician and church staff…
The other day I took the time to go get my new favourite heels re-heeled at the wee shop of repairs. It was a good feeling to have taken the time out of my schedule to drop them off by hand, wait a couple of days, and then feel like I have a new pair of shoes all over again.
TIme is passing by, and sometimes I feel like I miss it, like I trample it underfoot and march on to the horizon. Stopping for a minute to take things in is a must, it’s life giving and.. last time I did it fully, I took these autumnal photos and had one of the most beautiful hours on the planet. When I have the opportunity to make days on this planet sweet, I know I should capture it, because photos like this are the colour of hope, the carpet of flying, the soaring of peace.

A story about the morals of shopping.

If there have been moments of sadness or clenched fists this week, this wee one has cheered me up – enjoy the annunciation particularly!

So, tomorrow I have a job interview, and in preparation yesterday, I wandered into my fave shop -old faithful- for a wee bit of stylistic good luck.. in the shape of a wonderful Gossip Girl inspired ensemble. Let’s just say, it works! I was with friends and we decided it’s a good look for the interview… buy it.. go back out into the sun.

It wasn’t until we were sitting drinking coffee that it occurred to me that I’d gotten an absolute bargain… to the sum of half the cost of the clothes- I’d only paid for one item! So this morning I heaved a ‘can’t-be-bothered’ sigh as I hit the busy Saturday shopping bustle and headed into the shop again. I stood in two queues, then chose the customer services and stood there again… more hanging around, but still, unsurprisingly, sipping on coffee.

After what seemed like a good while of standing waiting behind a woman holding a candle and listening to the shop radio go in and out of reception through some generic tune, I got to the desk and said, ‘I was in yesterday and they only charged me for one of these items.’ The teller asked me, ‘do you have your receipt?’ – it’s what they always ask, eh? Then I said yes and she inquired, ‘Are you just wanting to pay for the rest of it?’ and I shrugged my shoulders and she commented on my honesty and thanked me, to which I responded, ‘Yeah, It’s costing me more to be honest!’.

So there I was, paying money for something I ought to pay for, but queueing for someone else’s mistake. It was good though, I think she was blown away that there are some folk in the world who are up for a little bit of honesty or something. I ended up getting a wee gift voucher for the joy of it all too.

I couldn’t very well go for a job interview in a ’stolen’ skirt afterall… even if it is particularly phenomenal!

So, although you sometimes have to pay for being honest, it also pays to be honest too. Plus, it was the right thing to do, and sometimes it’s good to look inside and know what the right thing to do is.  Extra plus, I still like shopping but dislike queuing, so take a shopping debrief in Starbucks to see if you need to go be honest with your favourite shops and their oversights!…

Sea. Soar.

sea

Originally uploaded by mackirsty

Today a rainbow held back the rain for a couple of minutes whilst the sun sat low on the horizon and glowed over a city. Like the pregnant skyline, there seems so much to hold back with a smiley bow, and so much to anticipate once the clouds pass.

Rain was a hindrance today – keeping me inside and running late… but also wonderful, I walked home in a heavy shower, arms wide to catch the massive drops.

There are moments that feel like your being soaked, unwelcome as the rain may be, and cold as it feels. Or sweet moments, depending on how you view them, that you are dancing in the waterfall of a warm evening’s downpour.. moments like when you pick some fresh basil, or hold sweetpeas on a breeze… when you take a break in your dayto swirl a warm coffee around over a coffee table face to face with an empty seat and an open book…a moment’s glance at the sight of New York City on a postcard, a plane ticket, or the tail end of a blink.

This photo captured said ’sweet moment’ for me lately. Just imagine you’re this guy, the beautiful (when silent) bird we all know so well, soaring with the good view… the Seagull… this time, for once though, he was where he was meant to be – at the seashore.

What is this life if full of care…

I don’t have much time for people who stop me in the street to ask for a light to their cigarette- I don’t smoke, so my answer will generally always be ‘eye contact, smile, a ”no, sorry…” and then walk on’.  But I have more time when folk stop me in the street for something I have in common with them. Life, for instance.

—-

So I was walking my dear friend Becca home tonight and left her at a suitably lit area of a dimly lit walkway along Argyle Street.  As soon as we parted ways, I took on the artist’s way of intently observing my surroundings and the buzz of the city, whilst combatting my female way of thinking ‘that man is going to attack me’.  I will share my train of thought.. ‘was good to see Rebecca : hope she gets home ok : hmm, what about me? : why haven’t you given me some guy to walk me home God? : hmm, I can handle it : wish my brother was here : I’m all alone : God’s there…’

Then I see this staggering man up ahead and grunt to myself, pray a little whine and look at the ground, I think to myself, I’m as tall as any drunk man surely, I can take him..? Then I think he’s asking for money/chat/a light but catch him say ‘please tell me not to kill myself tonight, please just tell me’.

I thought twice about stopping. All I could think was, this is perhaps the dodgiest part of this road I could be, it’s dark, that other guy just shrugged said drunk man off and carried on… I waited. He said ‘please help me, I just need someone to care about me to say ‘Stephen, don’t do it’, hug me… I ‘m always caring about people and I just want to know that someone loves me’.

I just thought -this is not the kind of guy I had asked for as an escort home! How to catch me off guard… fear, overwhelming uncomfortable feeling being out this late with no-one around to help…  This guy was a little emotional, a little drunk and a little too close to me.  He asked me to hug him but I just put my hand on his shoulder and held him up and said, ‘Stephen, don’t do it’ . I told him that God had stopped me in my tracks to talk to him because there is no other way I’d be so risky! I told him directly that ‘I don’t usually have the guts to stop and talk to guys on dark streets at night’, that God loves him and he’s not alone.  I was so afraid tonight and could hear my mum saying ‘Kirsty, you be careful’. I wasn’t afraid of him hurting me like any usual girl’s instinct automatically is, I was just scared of him killing himself and of my own failings in not saying the right stuff. Also I felt ill-equipped and alone: every person walked on by.  He shared a bit of his pain, and I kept talking a little, then he’d cry etc etc, then I would say ‘Stephen, you’re not alone, I have hope for ya here… do you know about Jesus…?’

—–

He started to move away and I was like, oh man, I’ve blown it.. but he just said he was kinda ok.  He then told me he has a daughter called Roisin and we agreed she needs him to live because she loves him and that’s reason enough too.  I said I was sorry not to have more help or whatever he needed but that I wanted him to go ask for help tomorrow, that life is a gift and so is his daughter,  and he just said ‘you’ve given me enough hope to see life is worth living’ and kissed my hand and my cheek.

I feel really sad for this guy, thankful that God did stop me in my tracks and in my spiralling female thought process of an evening.  Man, Glasgow is stirring with troubled souls, with folk who are at the end of themselves and who don’t care for money or anything, just wanting love.  I hate to see someone think they’re unloved, or even be told that they are. I hate to see such pain and mess…I can’t imagine what it feels like to be a forty-ish year old guy weeping in front of a 23 year old girl on a Monday night.  I think you must be desperate for anybody.

I’m pretty sure this guy wasn’t homeless or poor by the usual standards, but he was totally broken.

So if you pray, pray for Stephen, and I hope in Jesus that this is a life he’ll save for more than tonight.

Giant Leap :: Healing Beams :: Moon Light :: 69/09

So, I was doing my bit to further research the whole, landing on the moon, escapades and found on wikipedia this JFK quotation.  What is so strange about it is that it looks like the realization of the dream- the landing on the moon – was a measure of persistence rather than necessity.  It was for the purpose of measuring fighting spirit and passion rather than establishing something permanent (although your BBC one chat tonight shared that if it weren’t for one of very own Brits making the energy cells for the spaceship work, it never would’ve got to the moon and today we could be using that technology to run cars!).

I kinda wonder if they hadn’t been persistent or hasty or brave or needless in their pursuit of space exploration (if they’d waited until 2009 to land on the moon) they ever would have reached it.  Maybe we have too much air pollution or terrorist possibilities these days, maybe too much space trash or plastic bags floating in the moon’s orbit… who even knows… Mork and Mindy?

But, the excitement of an adventure ‘because it is there’ is so fascinating to me.

There are a ton of Proverbs that relate to decision making, and how we are all in the palm of God’s hand in it all.. prudence, wisdom, care and thought.  I’m not throwing those cool things out of the window.  I’m just considering a little risk, a little more get-up-and-go… a little more ‘because it is there’ because so often we sit and wait for the world to change rather than getting involved in the moments.  I’m going with hope shoes on, ’shoot for the moon ‘cos if you miss, you’ll land in the stars’ -sweet!

Here’s my ‘giant leap’ thought provokings of late :: Ways to LIVE

a wee minute reminder

time rolls away from us as with a ball of wool escaping the clutch of a kitten’s pounce,

except that we will never catch it, however much we prey on it.

time stopped ticking by
it seems now to melt and die
till another second comes to life
but i blink again to miss it
if time were mine i’d try to keep it
if life was wild i’d try to tame it
resolute, i’d like to frame it
but i can’t, it keeps slipping by…

time rolls away as we watch…

In a tv drama I’ve seen on the life of Jane Austen, they brought a real poignancy after she dies, still with so much to offer, yet sad and quite lonely. her sister was her closest companion and says of her;

‘’she was the sun of my life. the guilder of every pleasure, the soother of every sorrow. I had not a thought concealed from her and it’s as if I’ve lost a part of myself’”

one of the most captivating sentences written of any person

one that only having spent time, wished time and lost time over time can lend such beauty and meaning.  Though time rushes on, the colour that those rushings leave behind is a veritable dance with light.

Three guys, a girl and a motorway (rather than ‘…and a pizza place’)

M8, nearing Glasgow

Here is my reflection on a weekend’s events…”HOPE” in the Light:

Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Today I ate the most amazing dessert with some friends, consisting of diced strawberries on a bed of ice cream and smothered with mars bar melted chocolate. It was one of the finest desserts ever and complemented my delicious cold Dr Pepper, graced with slices of fresh lime. Some meals don’t get much better than this! We then talked about our dreams and aspirations and had inspiring chat over the sounds of beautiful and respectable music… yum!

Earlier on we had watched a chick flick, which I dutifully fell asleep to. I woke up midway to catch the strains of Cameron Diaz reading a poem by E.E Cummings.  My favourite part goes:

HERE IS THE DEEPEST SECRET
NOBODY KNOWS
(HERE IS THE ROOT OF THE ROOT AND
THE BUD OF THE BUD
AND THE SKY OF THE SKY OF A TREE
CALLED LIFE;WHICH GROWS
HIGHER THAN THE SOUL CAN HOPE OR
MIND CAN HIDE)
AND THIS IS THE WONDER THAT’S
KEEPING THE STARS APART

I CARRY YOUR HEART(I CARRY IT IN MY
HEART)

I took to this idea of looking for the root of the root, the bud of the bud, the absolute centre and the thing that keeps the very lights in the sky separated to light holes in the darkness.   This, for me, followed a long week of painting my new bedroom and beginning to move flats, playing a wee gig in Brel with the band, then heading off to Elie for a wedding to do the worship part of the ceremony with a couple of guys from Glasgow. It was a beautiful wedding, and my first time up there on the coast visiting St Andrews for dinner and the sunniest day for a wedding in Elie just yesterday- July 4th.

I traveled home with three guys in this big grey van, hauling the left over PA/musical instrument stuff. The sun has started to set around 10.30pm so we started off traveling in daylight but as the sun set and we neared Glasgow lights on the horizon, everything stopped and we joined the traffic jam along the M8 that seemed to go on and on and on. We sat there, we got out the car, we chatted to other drivers, we watched and waited. I had no phone battery, no internet, no music to listen to… I strangely felt stranded and stuck in the middle of all this, and the sun kept setting. We started to get concerned as 9 emergency vehicles streamed past, ambulance after ambulance, fire engines and police. We were stranded for over an hour but then directed to move out by police by three-point turning back on the road north in a convoy of driving strangers to take another route home.

I took some photos just to pass the time-but it was also to fill my attention- There was something serious and most likely fatal happening just steps from where we were stuck last night into the wee hours. It was something so big, that in its light, all of today’s inspirations and yesterdays joy and celebrating, is pulled into perspective. Life, that untouchable virtue or bud of the bud, seemed short as I piled, exhausted, into bed last night. This morning, when I woke up feeling shattered but alive, life seemed a gift.  My brand of shower gel reads ‘If you only had one day to live, how would you spend it?’ -I buy nice, inspiring shower gel for the mornings, huh? It’s actually called ‘Amazing Grace’. It makes you see the light and grace of a new day, washing off yesterdays. I was reminded today of God’s amazing grace to me, to others who follow Jesus.. to us… the whole world.. no matter what happens in any given day, no matter what words or hopes or inspirations are expressed.  It’s not karma or fate or even sheer hope that makes the world go round and the buds bloom. There’s ’something’ greater than the ’something out there’. God is light, life, love and gracefully involved in this world. As I had been sat with the three guys in the van last night, taking photos of a dark situation, the camera picked up the light on its long exposure.
The bud of the bud, the root of the root is Jesus. I see light in the dark times, and could, should, would want to live like tomorrow will never come, because today is the gift, the joy, the love, the tiredness and rest, the darkness and light… it’s all a gift just to keep going on this path and getting to know Jesus:

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Thanks to the three guys, our time on the motorway and a glad and happy Sunday, I’m brought back to dwelling on the hope I have in Jesus for every circumstance while I’m here on earth and forever, for grace!  I want for a drop of grace in the dawning of light each morning to remember this- without Jesus, the light remains darkness, the hope stays far, the bud doesn’t bloom and life just isn’t.   Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”