Three guys, a girl and a motorway (rather than ‘…and a pizza place’)

M8, nearing Glasgow

Here is my reflection on a weekend’s events…”HOPE” in the Light:

Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Today I ate the most amazing dessert with some friends, consisting of diced strawberries on a bed of ice cream and smothered with mars bar melted chocolate. It was one of the finest desserts ever and complemented my delicious cold Dr Pepper, graced with slices of fresh lime. Some meals don’t get much better than this! We then talked about our dreams and aspirations and had inspiring chat over the sounds of beautiful and respectable music… yum!

Earlier on we had watched a chick flick, which I dutifully fell asleep to. I woke up midway to catch the strains of Cameron Diaz reading a poem by E.E Cummings.  My favourite part goes:

HERE IS THE DEEPEST SECRET
NOBODY KNOWS
(HERE IS THE ROOT OF THE ROOT AND
THE BUD OF THE BUD
AND THE SKY OF THE SKY OF A TREE
CALLED LIFE;WHICH GROWS
HIGHER THAN THE SOUL CAN HOPE OR
MIND CAN HIDE)
AND THIS IS THE WONDER THAT’S
KEEPING THE STARS APART

I CARRY YOUR HEART(I CARRY IT IN MY
HEART)

I took to this idea of looking for the root of the root, the bud of the bud, the absolute centre and the thing that keeps the very lights in the sky separated to light holes in the darkness.   This, for me, followed a long week of painting my new bedroom and beginning to move flats, playing a wee gig in Brel with the band, then heading off to Elie for a wedding to do the worship part of the ceremony with a couple of guys from Glasgow. It was a beautiful wedding, and my first time up there on the coast visiting St Andrews for dinner and the sunniest day for a wedding in Elie just yesterday- July 4th.

I traveled home with three guys in this big grey van, hauling the left over PA/musical instrument stuff. The sun has started to set around 10.30pm so we started off traveling in daylight but as the sun set and we neared Glasgow lights on the horizon, everything stopped and we joined the traffic jam along the M8 that seemed to go on and on and on. We sat there, we got out the car, we chatted to other drivers, we watched and waited. I had no phone battery, no internet, no music to listen to… I strangely felt stranded and stuck in the middle of all this, and the sun kept setting. We started to get concerned as 9 emergency vehicles streamed past, ambulance after ambulance, fire engines and police. We were stranded for over an hour but then directed to move out by police by three-point turning back on the road north in a convoy of driving strangers to take another route home.

I took some photos just to pass the time-but it was also to fill my attention- There was something serious and most likely fatal happening just steps from where we were stuck last night into the wee hours. It was something so big, that in its light, all of today’s inspirations and yesterdays joy and celebrating, is pulled into perspective. Life, that untouchable virtue or bud of the bud, seemed short as I piled, exhausted, into bed last night. This morning, when I woke up feeling shattered but alive, life seemed a gift.  My brand of shower gel reads ‘If you only had one day to live, how would you spend it?’ -I buy nice, inspiring shower gel for the mornings, huh? It’s actually called ‘Amazing Grace’. It makes you see the light and grace of a new day, washing off yesterdays. I was reminded today of God’s amazing grace to me, to others who follow Jesus.. to us… the whole world.. no matter what happens in any given day, no matter what words or hopes or inspirations are expressed.  It’s not karma or fate or even sheer hope that makes the world go round and the buds bloom. There’s ’something’ greater than the ’something out there’. God is light, life, love and gracefully involved in this world. As I had been sat with the three guys in the van last night, taking photos of a dark situation, the camera picked up the light on its long exposure.
The bud of the bud, the root of the root is Jesus. I see light in the dark times, and could, should, would want to live like tomorrow will never come, because today is the gift, the joy, the love, the tiredness and rest, the darkness and light… it’s all a gift just to keep going on this path and getting to know Jesus:

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Thanks to the three guys, our time on the motorway and a glad and happy Sunday, I’m brought back to dwelling on the hope I have in Jesus for every circumstance while I’m here on earth and forever, for grace!  I want for a drop of grace in the dawning of light each morning to remember this- without Jesus, the light remains darkness, the hope stays far, the bud doesn’t bloom and life just isn’t.   Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

be bothered.

This caught my attention this morning. It’s because as the page describes the thirty year old contraption, it notes all the ‘old’ ways things used to work.  The tape used to pop out of the ‘door’.  I love that things were more tangible. You had to open, turn, click, carry, rewind and fastforward.  Music, and, my new favourite, Spotify, has become so quick, meaningless, transcient (insert word here_____________)  a part of our lives. You’re walking to your own beat, your flicking between songs and downloading some random track without the rest of the album artwork.  We never remember the song title or what number it got to in the ‘charts’,  the door no longer opens and shuts as we rewind and fastforward… it’s just all too easy and in our culture, you can live with this ease as if it should all go this way-a second nature… feel quite removed from your actions.

I guess everyone’s talking about Michael Jackson lately. I won’t assume to know anything about him apart from what was leaked to me through the news and music charts over the years, but I went back onto youtube and did a treck through memory lane- Man in the Mirror- classic! But,the Earth Song, for instance, it wasn’t a song worth much critical acclaim but it asks loads of questions.. ‘what about  (insert word here_________)..?’ I had this sudden feeling of distance.  When I was 9 or so, I thought about the rainforests that I heard were being cut down and I thought to myself, what if there’s none of it left when I’m grown up? But in MJ’s music video there is a reinactment of so many ‘world issues’ that you worry about when you’re 9. When you’re a little more grown though, you forget to worry about what’s outside of your life and it all becomes a cloud of otherness.  I see it in the way that I flick through the BBC news,  join a pointless facebook group to support something, or even just get challenged about life by a song.  I have lost my involvement, my naive worry, my opening the tapedeck and rewinding and pausing to look. None of it seems tangible anymore because it’s news and information everywhere.. the tape life is long gone and we’re all scrolling through, downloading and speed reading. Afterall, I’m just one tiny person.

So, I discovered probably my favourite song this last week.  I was ill and lay on the couch, apple on knee, hand on mouse just pouring over blog after blog, flickr after flickr, message after email after whatever as I rested… I stopped to ‘attend’ to this most beautiful melody by Iron and Wine.  I read the words, played on repeat a few times, watched the scene of the movie its in a couple of times.. all just to get a better grasp of it, to hold it for a moment.  When I was 9, I would have cut out the poster of the band or looked through the cassette cover. I would have written the words in my notebook or something, it was a more tangible experience.  Now I find myself having to work at making things real and close and an experience, otherwise the world can end up being far off. Life when you’re sick is on the couch, your head in cyber space… maybe life in general is becoming too much like this.

So all this thinking from one picture: the casette tape door that no longer opens.

I have discovered lately how much thoughts have an impact on your life and your day etc. They’re all in your head, right? In some ways they’re as transient as every other communication download you experience each day, but your thoughts are your own.  Noone ever knows what you’re really thinking, you can be off in some other world and yet look as present or available as ever. You can think beautiful thoughts or ugly, selfish things… I find myself experiencing real emotion and even regret over mere thoughts, over transient moments where I was focused on something I’d rather not be focused on, and yet it’s easy to feel once removed from it because that’s the way culture goes now.. dipping in and out for a second, no rewinding, no clicking a switch, all just ease and convenience.

My mum said in response to my statement, ‘it just seems like a lot of effort’, ”Well, that’s what life is”.  That’s what life is!! Man, we’re deluded into thinking it’s luxury, ease, transient… and yet all along it’s effort.  It takes more effort these days to ‘attend’ to something. To look closely and take time and work at taking notice, to listen to a song and the words and think on the meaning and artwork and the point of it.  It takes effort to think good thoughts and become the person you’re meant to be rather than to allow life to just happen to you as you scroll through it vacantly. It is, I feel, a big and beautiful effort to live well, much like the grandiose, original walkman is, when compared to your in-ear micro-chip, ease of listening, lightweight, shiny everything else. The lovable life we all think of as ease and availability is not effortless, though it is full of grace.

Yesterdayat Re:Hope Brian asked ‘is the war for godliness worth it?’, as in, the tangible effort it takes to be genuinely good and virtuous and in close relationship with God actually worth tuning in for.  The Bible, Malachi, Peter and Brian all say ‘yes’.  I’m going to add my ‘yes’ too.  It’s the only way to love your life, to live as the kind of person you’re meant to be, to have those good deeds, good words, even good thoughts… yes ma’am!  You can listen to the talk here -once it’s up it will be the most recent 1 Peter one.

So in art, life, my moving house this week, my thinking higher thoughts and loving Jesus… even just listening to this most beautiful song ever (most worth listening to recorded version)… I’m going to ‘attend’, take notice, use both hands, two ears, my whole heart.. a lot of effort because it’s worth it…

standing up.. an immovable thing

Something else beautiful? To go out and love the world. To go out and give of your rejuvenated, Spirit-filled soul and serve people. There is nothing I would like to grow in more. than that kind of love that acts selflessly and in the right time and the right place- ie to give hope where someone has just run out…

I know passion is best used when it’s spent on helping and, not condescendingly so, spent helping people who need it.  I want to look out for folk who have need for love and beggars who ask for money and wee ones who God puts in my way to bless.  There is so much pain and negativity in the world to stand up to.

“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

sitting down

Lift your gaze

Release

Loch Lomond

watching time float by

Things have been so beautifully busy lately with the church move. We had a wonderful day on Sunday holding our service in Qudos again and seeing everyone pile into the venue with its stale smell of beer and its dingy exterior giving way to worship and fellowship.  It was also a real gift to get to go outside of Glasgow later in the day and hit the most secluded spot of Loch Lomond for a bonfire and the scenery.  I think its been hard to keep up with folks from Re:Hope and to stay connected because we don’t have a centre point, nowhere to catch up through the week.  I miss that.  I have been thinking a lot about how my work life will change over this period because of the change of venue etc and how I want to keep it ordered and keep the important things as the important things- seeing as I personally have soon to stretch out my muscles again, this time to move house.

It’s a good question, a profound one, to ask oneself, ”who does God want me to be?”.. like the question ”who do I want to be tomorrow and how am I changing to be that person?”  Amidst the busy things and the frantic moving and shaking of life and lifestyle, I know that I need to stop and realign.  I recently chose four words that I believe are lacking in my culture, lacking in my self and ones that I feel encapsulate who I’m meant to be.  They are the four words at the top of this blog.  So, in order to be the passionate, loving, hopefueled and integrity-filled person, I know that there are some things in life that I need to make immovable that will help me bring about change and growth even with permanency.  Times of reflection and creativity allow me to work on the gifts and skills that I’ve been given, time spent reading and pondering are far too few in my week and teach me about life, about my heart and the world.. reading the Bible is the best way to start my day to train the thoughts and put at ease all the worries, to learn about God and inspire prayers of gratitude for life.

I have found that rest should be one of those immovable things in my life which so easily claws itself out of my diary.  Don’t let the resting escape! Although I watched Yes Man this week, I find myself loving to say no, in order to stop and breathe for a moment. When we rest though, it’s so easy to veg out and escape. I’m wanting to rest in rejuvenate.   I think that means we have to address the mind and look after it and be refreshed when we rest.

I wanted to take time this morning to share some ways in which all of these immovable things come together… listening to this and this… reading this and this and always this, getting to know Jesus and God’s grace through the gospel… I’m reading this.

reflecting on things like this- “The shape of our character is cast in the mold of our concentration”

and this-

”It’s time for something more real than all these words
While the least of these are broken and dying
We count the pearls in our purse
It’s time to live in love
It’s time to live in love

So open up your doors
Let the Son shine out into the night you’re hiding from
Let your hearts bleed with love because when all is said and done
Love’s the only voice that’s heard

With all that we’ve been given and all we hold to be true
We’ve thrown away the one key that unlocks the door
We ourselves crawled through
It’s time to live in love
It’s time to live in love…”

what is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stop and stare…-

lift your gaze

Qudos Sunday Morning

Qudos

This photo shows the set up after many-a-helping-hand put to work at getting us all ready for the service at 1030am on Sunday. It was an amazing privilege to be there Sunday morning; mingling with the staff, running around to set up seats and sound stuff -all inside a bar! Spilling stale beer on my Birkenstocks included, it was an adrenaline-filled experience of team work and fun, just to make this place look less of a club… and as we stood singing this song, I couldn’t help smiling and thanking God for all that has been and all that’s to come!

By the way: wow!

Move Day

That was today- loads of wonderful folk from Re:Hope who were available, came along to lift and haul and transport things out of one building, into others.  It was a lovely team effort, even though overall we were all clearly feeling the sadness and strain of saying goodbye to this season in the building.

We had a truck and a trailer to help with the move and I was a part of driving the trailer with James over to the storage place. As we reached Byres road, some quirky guy on the pavement reached out his arm and started waving. At first I thought he wanted to hail us like a cab, but alas, no, we had lost four chairs on the main part of Byres road as the trailer door had swung open! James and I fashioned a key to hold it closed after I had run back to retrieve our chairs.  As we said, God was watching over us and protecting us- that could’ve been a big accident!Losing the chairs was just enough of a reminder to keep us amused but and reliant on him by getting our notice without allowing a big situation on the streets!

So, yes, I wore flip flops today and the team thought that was a little crazy- they were all working so hard and assumed I wouldn’t manage I guess! I kept all my toes safe and sound though, and had comfy feet enough to capture some of the early stages of the move before we got into the major moving of tables and chairs!   Leah changed the prayer wall this week which you can see, and there are also some moving-team-album-cover photos on the church steps at ”95” Great George Street.  Enjoy.  Check out the carrying of the cross. A random guy on the street even stopped to ask what the deal with a life-size cross is!

Qudos

So, today I spent most of my time trying to organise the final touches to our transition from having worship services in our regular building to now holding them in Qudos. We have had so many wonderful blessings and generous offers of help, accomodating storage and just generally friendly chat from our interactions with the staff and with settling into the QMU as our summer venue. I’ve been relating this time back back to how things were when I was putting together the weekly GUCU meetings in Qudos just over two years ago, same venue, same staff, but different thing.

The process then was in some ways similar- having to organise each meeting to a tight schedule with setting up PA and chairs too, and welcoming people and getting the word out as to where and when the meeting would be so people would show up. This time round it’s amazing to have a whole community of keen team members and church members who are all working together though, as well as unusual favour that is making the move to the QM really blessed

I’m sitting here, just very thankful. Having no clue how long we will be without a permanent meeting place, I’m thankful we can have Qudos for now, and it is a silver lining to a week where we say goodbye to the red building and having a place to meet through the week with the prayer room, band rehearsals, kids place and lounge area as well as a kitchen and office space.

So although things are heavily busy for now, especially for the church staff, and there’s going to be an upheaval beyond what we can expect, I’m sitting down to notice what God’s doing in paving our way across the rough patches. I’m praying and hoping that we will get to return to our building after a time away from it, that this crazy journey is exactly the one which we’re meant to be on!

Rather insignificant to it all is this photo-I put it up because I’m still listening and working out where my keyboard is going to live this summer since it had been settled in our building. I realize this detail is just a spec in the mosaic of God’s picture for Re:Hope and for all the moving and storing and shaping he’s doing…but I see that He’s got the details and we’re part of it, mosaic piece by mosaic piece.

“Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ?
Who is like you—
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?